6 Things You Need To Know Before Getting Into a BDSM Relationship

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You probably have come across the abbreviation BDSM while browsing through your favorite porn site, reading a novel, watching a movie or even while conversing with friends. You even may have experienced it in a sexual encounter if you are sexually active enough. And depending on who you are and what your sexual preferences are you may or may not have liked it.

Most other people got to experience the term BDSM after the release of the movie Fifty Shades of Grey. But there is more to BDSM than what you have watched in the movie franchise or read from the book series. Maybe you are new to the BDSM scene or you are looking forward to exploring the BDSM lifestyle out of curiosity or in a bid to spice up your rather conventional sexual experiences.

Whatever your reason is it is important that you clear off all the knowledge that you have on BDSM based on Fifty Shades of Grey so that you can get to understand what BDSM actually entails. Well, part of it is actually accurate but most of it remains wanting and would be frowned upon even by the BDSM community.

That aside, this article has compiled six things that you need to know before you indulge your partner in a BDSM relationship so that you can attain utmost sexual pleasure and avoid legal repercussions or hurting your partner at the very least.

What is BDSM?

By definition BDSM is a psychological, physical and sometimes sexual power role-play performed by two or more consensual partners. The letters BDSM stand for an overlapping abbreviation that expounds to be; Bondage and Discipline for B&D, Dominance, and Submission for D&S, and Sadism and Masochism for S&M. The segmentation of the abbreviation BDSM into those overlapping categories purposes to cater for the different categories of individual preferences within the BDSM community. This means that just like toast, the way you like your BDSM is not necessarily similar across the board. Nonetheless, it is important that you notice how each sub-abbreviation acts like a matchmaker.

That is when you consider that each initial represents one partner and the next the other. Therefore, if your initial in a BDSM relationship is S for Sadism then your perfect match would be an M for Masochist that way one dominates and the other submits. This is important to be aware of if you are planning to get into a BDSM relationship so that you know what category of BDSM your partner is into relative to what you are into or are willing to put up with.

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Are You a Dominant or Submissive?

For a BDSM relationship to work there has to be at least two categories of people, the dominant and the submissive. Vaguely the dominants hold the whips and the submissive enjoys getting whiplashed. Generally the dominant enjoys being in charge while the submissive enjoys being told what to do and sometimes being punished for not obeying the orders. The side you pick in a BDSM relationship as either the dominant or submissive comes into play with the category of BDSM that you and your partner belong to.

For instance, in an S&M BDSM relationship, the dominant is the sadist (aroused by inflicting pain on their partner) and the submissive is the masochist (aroused by receiving pain). So basically, you need to know which side your partner is on lest you find yourselves lacking thanks to similarly preferred BDSM roles. However, there is nothing barring you and your partners from exchanging your roles from time to time.

It is Not Always About the Sex

Surprisingly enough a BDSM encounter is not always an opening for sex. Of course, a lot of BDSMers prefer to have a happy ending but not all that practice BDSM tie it to sex. Just like sex BDSM is a sensual and uniquely intimate physical experience that arouses strong feelings of attraction and intense feelings of sensual and sexual desire and pleasure. They are sometimes such strong feelings for the people who practice them that they get off on the BDSM and so they cannot go any further. For some, the sex taints the experience and so they would prefer a separation of the two. And so it all boils down to your partner’s sexual preference which you should be aware of before venturing into a BDSM relationship.

Something Doesn’t Have to Be Wrong With You To Prefer BDSM

It is common to be stigmatized based on this sexual preference even though there are a lot more BDSMers than those that care to admit it. It is a common misconception that those that practice BDSM have something inherently wrong with them such as experience in child abuse or domestic violence. Even though there are those that fit the bill there are those that practice it for the fun, out of curiosity and in an exploration of their sexuality. Some just want to transform their rather stale sex life into something more spontaneous and exciting. You, therefore, do not need to be abusive or enjoy being abused to be part of a BDSM relationship.

Research is Necessary

BDSM can either be as simple and technical as your sexual preferences demand it. This is why it is important that you do your research because it can go wrong in so many ways causing you to harm your partner rather than pleasure them. Even the simplest of things say fisting, for instance, can go wrong and cause hospitalization (tip: you need to start small with two to three fingers as you ease into the fist and don’t be shy to use the lube). For some, it can be emotional harm.

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That is therefore why it is important that you do your research, know what your partner wants and how you can best give it to them for maximum pleasure and less pain; unless of course, the two are mutual. Keep in mind that while you are in a BDSM relationship you need to learn more about your partner even as you try new things together. To get there you need not only consult with your partner but also read and learn.

You Can Always Say No

Consent is a major aspect of any BDSM relationship and so you need to categorically agree on everything you practice within your BDSM relationship while on level ground. This means that you can always say no to what you do not agree to. A lot of BDSMers getting into it for the first time go all out to please their partners even though some pleasures are outside their preference bracket. For instance, you can still have a BDSM relationship without the whips and chains and any form of pain infliction at all. Which can be alternate with sensual dominance as a kind of BDSM relationship where partners use sex toys and role-play with no pain involved. All in all, you can consent to some things and say no to others without necessarily risking your relationship.

Conclusively, BDSM is more than what you watch on TV or from your favorite porn sites. There are a lot of misconceptions lying around thanks to the wrong sources of information. Basically, BDSM is really different than what most people think it to be. So do your research and seek your partner’s consent before getting into a BDSM relationship because just like vanilla sex if you want to be good at it you need to learn about your partner and what turns them on when and where through observation research and understanding.

By Admin, Last Updated: FEB. 5, 2019